For me, it’s taken some time. I’ve had to be alone to hear and see the things I needed. They were inside me all the time, but I had to see them reflected in something outside myself to know them.
I think about being alone. Am I, was I? I was in a place I didn’t like but I don’t know that I was alone. I meet all kinds of people doing this work. I like talking to people and seems like people are desperate to share something with me. I’ve traveled the world and never left King County, listening. People have horrible stories, worse than I ever read, ever imagined. And even in those horrors great things happen, tiny kindnesses that glow–little sparks of saving humanity. These people are happy and smiling now, living lives with grace and meaning. They know something, so I listen.
What you’re going through sounds normal. Sounds fine. It’s not anything bad. You know how to be quiet and not trust the…what did you call it? Monkey, right. Don’t listen to him. It’s the same voice I get: aww, I’m tired, I don’t want to get up, go out, stay out late, I have to get up tomorrow. I’ve listened to that voice and I know what that gets me. I don’t listen and it’s never gone wrong. So I think you have to do that.
For me, it’s what makes me feel most alive. I ask myself: what is that? And then I find a way to do it, be with it, get there. What is it that makes me feel most alive, that I am full of life, connected to it, inside it? Sometimes I know. I just follow and trust that.
I grew up in Ohio. I mean…man. When things were at their worst–and I mean the worst, as bad as you can imagine–I realized I felt like I was back in Ohio. And that’s when I realized I wasn’t alive and that needed to change.
If you’re asking me, I think that’s what you really have to do. It’s the same for anybody. Find out what makes you most alive and embrace it. Don’t ask questions or expect guarantees or get permission. Grab what makes you alive and don’t let go.