I am writing this now because I don’t know what I’ll be able to write later.
This is the view after the vet calls. It is not a good call. It’s the call where vets must have been trained in how to segue to what nobody wants to hear. Options are discussed and none are good, not really. She says it’s typical: pets are fine and then they are very not fine, with no reason, no explanation. This is what you can do. Or what you have to think about if there is no more doing left.
So this is what I see. It is not extraordinary, traumatic, dramatic. It is almost painfully ordinary. In this moment it’s what it is, with what you do not see overlaid outward from me. This must have been what it was like for adults I remember as a child, staring into space, knowing and remembering. They had already faced things when the grey company again came and sat beside them. All of us have to learn to sit with this.